5 feet of pure unadulterated self-seriousness

You know, it's easy to laugh at Danzig. I mean, the guy raises wolves and takes his super-satanism very literally and seriously (or so he claims). Also, his tough guy vibe got kind of smudged when the internet got to collectively watch a washed up hardcore dude hand his ass to him on youtube about 10 billion times.

Sometimes it's hard to be satan's most avid minion (well outside of scandinavia anyway). And you can't blame him for wondering if we really are taking him seriously enough.

But hold on dudes, this is the guy who (sorry doyle) is the Misfits and Samhain and we probably owe him some respect, no matter what sort of trollish self-caricature he (maybe) has become. If I am impassioned or (perhaps) drunk, I am willing to throw down for my opinion that the Misfits are the most important punk band ever, mainly because a careful listener will discern that they aren't really all that punk, but more weirdo alternate 50's by way of the anti-spector wall of spaced out soundlessness. Also, all of these innovators of the fake micro genre "hellbilly" really ought to tithe a bit of income to the Danzig.

Anyway.

This whole blog post is mostly spawned by walking through the used CD section and deciding that well hell yes, buying DANZIG II LUCIFUGE was probably the best way to exert my wallet. Many people have made the tired yawnsome comparison of Danzig/Elvis (oh hey, thanks for trying so hard, dude sings with throaty gravitas GOLD CRITICAL STAR DUDE). But for those of us that aren't missing the point, this is the way The Doors would have sounded if they had ditched that overpresent B3 organ and the lead singer had been a far more entertaining sort of self-important douche. Danzig doesn't want to be your lizard king (HAIL SATAN), and he doesn't want to throw it into his mother in some sort of primitive brained freudian schtick. He wants to raise wolves and live in a gated community with them and take a minute out of his busy schedule to write fantastic fake blues and bombastic power boogie nonsense. This is the sort of thing that Jim Morrison would have been trying to cram down our gullet these days (if he weren't awesomely dead sorry) but he would have been A) a big fat beardo creepy dude instead of a 5 foot tall powerhouse of mediocre fighting bravado wolf cuddling awesome B) BORING and perhaps exploring his softer side C) a far more nnnggghhhh fucking awful singer D) working that whole "american poet" bullshit. Danzig is a poet destroyer, because at least he could beat poet dudes up, unless they got the drop on him or were like 5 and a half feet tall.